The Nonexistent Database

One time I was working at a job, and they'd hired a consultant to help us deal with performance issues with the DB2 system that would be used on the project.

Well, one day, in the middle of the design phase of the project, the consultant, I'll call him Jim, mentioned to me, "I wish people would stop referring to 'the database'". I wondered, and asked, "Why is that a problem? Jim said, "That implies that it exists."

Hmm. We were in the design stage of the system, and people would say things like "Well, we'll let that be database-driven", or "The database can handle that". And that bothered Jim. To this day I do not understand what could have been the problem with having people refer to "the database" before it had actually been created.

Suppose Jim had called a meeting to correct this problem. What would he have said at the meeting?

Hi everyone. I called you here to straighten out a problem I've seen developing lately. I've heard people referring to "the database" in their design discussions. But, the database does not exist yet. I've thought about what the create database statement would look like. I've even typed it out in my notes. But I have not pressed the key on my keyboard to actually execute it. I almost did once, but I got a call from my wife saying the neighbors were coming over for dinner, and I had to get home right away. So I didn't. Granted, if I had, we would not be having this meeting. But I didn't, so please stop referring to the database, because it does not yet exist.

Jim seemed like an intelligent guy. But for the life of me I never understood why he felt this way. One day I resisted the temptation to reply with the same kind of thought when he mentioned something about his "career".